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8 Things My Very Tall Daughter Can Expect

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Posted:03/18/2015 10:26 am EDTUpdated:03/18/2015 10:59 am EDT

You can't escape your genes, my dear girl. I was 5'9" by the time I was in fourth grade. Your father tops out at around 6'3". That means you will be very, very tall. Not quite "America's Next Top Model" tall, or WNBA tall. More like "stuck in the back of every class photo" tall, or "can you reach the soup on that top shelf for me, dear?" tall. This will not be the social coup you think; like your parents, you may endure your share of taunts and nastiness, with the promise of someday you'll appreciate being tall to carry you through.

As you continue your upward trajectory, here are a few things you can expect:

1. You will experience a series of minor disappointments.

You will outgrow your tricycle after only riding it once.

You won't be able to go on kiddie rides at the amusement park.

Your gymnastics career will be short-lived.

That purple jacket you loved now ends a full three inches above your wrist.

No one will want to give you piggyback rides.

And I've looked for weeks, but those Dora the Explorer light-up sneakers you covet don't come in your size. Sorry, hon.

Sorry for it all.

2. Everyone will know you're tall.

You're not fooling anyone. You can hunch your shoulders, duck behind people or pull your knees to your chest when you sit. It changes nothing. You just become the "tall girl with the bad posture."

Unlike short girls who can wear heels, there's nothing you can do to adjust your height. I remember it well, and it's hard to embrace something you're still growing into. But if you hulk around like a velociraptor, everyone will think you have spine issues.

3. People will think you have skills you don't possess.

I remember loving the fact that I was picked first for sports teams. To be fair, I had no athletic ability whatsoever (I was the type of kid who would drop a ball and then immediately trip over it). But for that brief moment before anyone actually saw me play, my height convinced people otherwise.

If people who see your your elongated limbs assume you run fast, are graceful or have coordination, don't correct them. By the time they learn the truth, you'll already be the team captain.

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