How do skinny people do it???
How do they maintain the physique that creates an are of perfection around them? They strut around in their size 6 jeans, thigh gap allowing for air circulation between their taught legs. Their shirts hug their torsos, their perky bosoms front and center for all the guys to gawk at. They complain about the 2 ounces they gained when they ate the whole order of a triple cheeseburger with large fries and a diet coke. HOW DO THEY DO IT???
I have come full circle in my struggles with weight loss. Having been overweight my whole life, I decided to have lap band a few years ago. Everything was going great, I managed to lose 176 lbs...and I gained albatross arm flaps (I think I can fly now), super squishy inner thighs, a double muffin top, and somewhere I lost my ass...it's flat and goes numb when I sit or lay on it too long!!! The time I spent in Australia was going great until the moment I contracted stomach flu. The Porcelain Throne Homage paid was enough to cause my band to prolapse, and given the medical care available, I was unable to have fluid pulled off my band...thus the Australia journey ended. I was sent home where I underwent corrective surgery for my band, in hopes of saving it...alas...it had to be removed.
The prolapse caused scar tissue to build up, and with the revision done...well, my lap band didn't quite work the same as before. The scar tissue built up some more, my band slipped, I went for about a week without anything to eat, coughing and throwing up, and well...it had to come out. I was devastated...still am to some degree. But I will be OK. The following week I had surgery on a ganglion cyst, which had decided to play with the nerves of my foot. So, I was put on these wonderful medications...Steroids, Celebrex, Nerurontin...all of which cause weight gain. And gain weight is what I did.
So here I sit about a month later trying to figure out how to prevent my jeans from getting any tighter. Yea, I put on a pair to come back to work after the surgeries, and well...let's just say a pair of needle nose pliers, some Crisco, and extremely shallow breathing were in order. If you have ever been laced into a corset (properly) you know that one does not SIT in a chair, but rather gracefully and delicately lights upon a perch like a swallow on a blade of grass. The same holds true for tight fittin jeans! Yea, well, my arse was sitting in a chair, stretching the fibers of my jeans, testing the supple forte of their fibrous makeup. The seams were screaming in resistance, my legs fell numb from the pressure of being forced into a bent position under my desk (I won't describe the horrors of getting into my Mustang). My midsection hanging over the taut waistband, like the top of a delectable muffin! I feared for the lives of those around me, waiting anxiously for a single breath to fire my button at some poor soul's forehead, like a lead round fired from a musket!!! Alas, all my colleagues are alive, and my jeans hold true.
I began the dieting regiment that had worked before...NO SUGAR!! My body screamed in rebellion, my heart trying desperately to form a coup against my head...demanding the delicious, tantalizing flavor of chocolate, cookies, cake, Tirimasu, Cheesecake, Banana Pudding, Chocolate, CHOCOLATE...mmmm...chocolate....*DING* sorry I digress. But I have managed to keep these evil thoughts from materializing themselves into reality. I have knocked out the gooey yummies I so enjoy, and have instead forced myself to enjoy the lower carb foods which usually lack taste. Somehow, I believe cardboard and glass would be more tasty, less healthy, but more tasty.
This endeavor has been ongoing for about two weeks, and, although I have partaken in the wonderful goodness of carbs over the weekend (it's a re-set people, calm down) my week has been filled with healthy foods, and a several prayers that they would actually taste like chocolate, but healthy nonetheless. The plan seems to be working, my jeans seem to be a little less like torturous enslavement devices, and more like an accessory to my desire to stay the course. Either that, or the plan to wash them and hang dry them has worked, forcing them to stay a little looser...that, and it avoids the malicious Dryer Pixies that sew my clothing tighter as it rotates in the heated confines of the contraption (not to mention the trolls that shorten everything too).
So back to my original question, how do skinny people stay so flippin skinny, yet eat anything they want? Drugs, it has to be drugs...or tape worms, or some other device that prevents them from gaining weight. It's just disgusting!