Single women ask: "Am I too tall to date?"

By Elizabeth Roehrig

There I was, sitting with a friend on a Friday night, when we noticed a couple of hip and handsome guys sitting next to us. Witty banter ensued between me and the Casey Affleck-alike and things were looking promising... that is, until we both stood up to pick a few songs from the jukebox. It was the moment of truth, and yep, at almost 5'10", I was a couple of inches taller than him. I could feel him sizing me up, and our sizzle from a moment ago beginning to fizzle.

If you're in the "tall woman" club like me, you've probably experienced a similar scenario. And while dating for women like us may have its own inherent set of challenges, they're hardly the type that we can't overcome. Let the pros, cons and advice listed below serve as a little inspiration for all you vertically blessed beauties out there... it's not nearly as bad as you might think!

Fewer men tend to approach tall women for dates

Many of my tall friends (myself included) are very open to dating shorter men — the problem is often that they steer clear of us, thinking that we're "too tall" given the expectation that guys must loom over their dates. Patricia Barba, 34, of Greenwich, CT, who's just shy of six feet, had a male coworker spell out to her why she's so often left on the sidelines. "We were at our holiday party, and a coworker who's around my height asked if I'd like to dance. I said yes and mentioned that not many men ask me to dance, and he said it's because men must find my height imposing. That was hard to hear!" Other times, men aren't so straightforward and their preferences come across in the form of a subtler snub. "When I'm out on weekends, I'm the one who talks to all the guys and gets the conversation going," says Richelle, 27, who's six feet tall and from Boston. "But usually at the end of the evening, the guy I've been talking to will say, 'Who's your friend?' And inevitably the girl he's interested in is one of my shorter pals."

The men who do hit on us tend to be great catches

While being overlooked as dating material due to our height can be frustrating, there is a benefit to this situation as well. Because, you see, the shorter men who do hit on us are definitely worth their salt. "I recently dated a guy who is an inch shorter than me, but his personality and confidence made him seem taller," says Patricia. "He seemed really self-assured, which put me at ease and made our height difference seem like a non-issue. I think generally that guys who go for taller women are pretty dynamic individuals." In other words, look at your height as a gatekeeper that only allows the truly worthy shorter men into your inner circle. Mary, 27, from Woodbridge, NJ, is 5'8" and has dated a handful of shorter men, including her current boyfriend. "Since they don't have the height that a lot of girls look for, these guys develop other, more meaningful qualities, such as kindness, humor, and consideration," she says... which ultimately makes for a better boyfriend. "While a shorter man might not be my first choice, if he's much more interested in me and attentive to my needs, who can say no to that?" Mary asks.

Few men meet our own preferred height requirements

While many tall women are perfectly happy to date shorter guys, some of us, I admit, aren't always so thrilled about it. And as a result, we often limit our own prospects and have no one to blame but ourselves for long dry spells between dates. "I would go out all the time and find only one or two guys that I considered to be good prospects because of my 'height restriction,'" says Sarah, 5'10", of Reading, MA. "I was only looking for guys 6'1" and over, because it just seems more natural for the man to be taller than the woman." Of course, we know we should give shorter guys a chance, but it's tough to change your own perception (let alone society's) that the guy should tower over his gal. "You grow up with this notion that the man should be bigger than the woman so he can protect her," explains Erin, 26, 6'2", of Richmond, VA.

Tall women eventually learn to recognize what really makes a relationship work

While tastes and attraction are hard to change, sooner or later, many tall women are forced to accept a valuable truth that often eludes other daters: that they should jettison the more superficial traits on their "wish list" for a partner — whether that's being 6'2", having a full head of hair or possessing six-pack abs. "While I used to believe that a man needed to be taller than me for me to feel safe, I know now that isn't true," says Erin, who ultimately fell for a man three inches shorter. "When I first met my now-husband, I thought he was cute, but I never thought we'd end up together due to the height difference. But we had a real connection and I know now that's what counts."

Once you're dating a partner who is shorter than you are, there's a whole new host of problems to deal with

OK, so you've gotten over your own "He's got to be taller than me" hangups and have hit it off with a guy who's largely fine with the fact that you've got some inches over him. But even then, you're not in the clear. For starters, try walking into a room together; you're bound to get some odd looks. "I once dated someone shorter. He said it didn't matter to him, but people couldn't help but comment on it and make some pretty embarrassing jokes," says Richelle. "Once we were asked if he stood on the curb to kiss me!" To keep the wisecracks to a minimum, many women abandon their heels in favor of flats. But even then, the undue attention can sometimes be unbearable.

Eventually, you learn to stop caring what other people think

Know that phrase, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" That also applies in this scenario: sooner or later, most tall women who date shorter men develop a Teflon coating. They stop caring if people point at them walking down the street together or if friends and family members make height jokes. They learn that all that really matters is whether you like the guy and whether he likes you. Six-foot-tall Ciana Clarke, 40, of Tallahassee, FL, may have felt awkward when she first began dating her shorter husband, but that soon changed. "His family and friends would tease him about his height rather than mine and say that he was lucky to land me, but he never let their cracks bother him," she recalls. "He made me feel like a treasure and celebrated my difference more than anything else. I was proud of my height before we met, but his love and acceptance have made me feel more comfortable with our four-inch height difference." And there's no reason to relegate your high heels to the back of the closet when you have a self-confident guy in your corner. "My husband is really the one that made me start to embrace my height," says Erin. "Before I met him, I don't think I owned one pair of heels — now I can't get enough of them. My man loves me for all that I am, height included!"

Elizabeth Roehrig has written for Redbook and other publications.

Tall stories: Five Northern Ireland ladies tell us about the high life

Some of the world's most beautiful women stand around six feet tall. Think of a supermodel and the chances are she is over six feet tall - and that's before she has pulled on a pair of teetering heels and strode down the runway.

Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum and Erin O'Connor are all at least 5ft 10ins, while iconic beauties such as the late Diana, Princess of Wales, was also about an inch off the six foot mark,- once she had slipped into a pair of courts and added a hat Prince Charles could look like a rather small man indeed.

To put it all into some sort of lofty perspective, the height of the average woman in the UK is a diminutive 5ft 3ins. No wonder, then, that so many of us can only look up to these fashion icons with envy.

After all, we imagine, clothes would look so much better if our legs were just a couple of inches longer. How easy it would be to stand out from the crowd - quite literally.

Then again, maybe our longing to be taller amounts to the height of nonsense. In a world where the average rules, many taller ladies complain that finding clothes to suit their measurements isn't easy - hence the rise of chains such as Long Tall Sally.

And then, of course, there is the delicate area of relationships.

Some might reckon it would take a big man indeed to be happy to step out with a woman who was, er, head and shoulders above him. Just look at how quickly Caroline Wozniacki stuck the stiletto in when Rory McIlroy ended his relationship with her, with the low blow that being single meant it would be nice to be able to wear heels again.

So, what is it really like to be a tall woman? We talk to five ladies about the long and short of it.

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By Katie Sewell,Dec. 7, 2016, Posted in Lifestyle

We all want the fairy tale love story. Unfortunately, being a tall woman can sometimes seem like a burden when chasing true love.I’m 6’3” – something I get informed of almost every day by people I barely know. It’s as if they think I’m not already aware of the fact that I am taller than the average UK man. To make me more of a genetic freak I also have bright blonde hair, an attribute which, when combined with my height, has earned me the nickname ‘Flaming Beacon’ when I go out clubbing with squad.

For a very long time, I hated my height. As a teenager, I mastered the art of the ‘forward leg bend’, a move that the tall folk reading this will also be well acquainted with. In every group photo where I look normal in height, rest assured, the forward leg bend is in operation and my thigh muscles are in agony.

The main concern of my youth, as I’m sure was the same for many other angsty teenage girls, was whether or not somebody could possibly love me. I was doomed to a life of cats and one bedroom flats, I was sure of it.

Boys were a good head and shoulders beneath me until around the end of secondary school; even at sixth form a boy being taller than me was a novelty. My poor mother had to deal with many a teary breakdown at my self-deemed unworthiness of love.

My dad, an enormous man of 6’10”, didn’t see what the problem was. He was convinced, as most dads are, that his daughter was the most beautiful thing in the world. “Fluffy, the men will be lining around the block for you,” he would say. I was constantly reassured, but without the affirmation of a boyfriend, the words of my loved ones fell on deaf ears.

When I arrived at university, like pretty much any other student, I entered into the Tinder-sphere. I was frequently told I would be perfect ‘if only I were shorter’, boys frequently using the excuse that they could never, ever date a girl that was taller than them. So, naturally, I did the ‘boy thing’ and lied about my height on my profile. 6’3” Katie from Essex became 6 foot. How cheeky.

But please, don’t feel too sorry for me. My sad tall girl self-esteem crisis does have a slightly ‘happy ending’. Last year, one lad I liked on Tinder and I went on a date. Turns out he’d lied about his height, like a lot of lads do.

However, and rather fortunately for me, he’d lied about quite how tall he was. So 6’5” Dave was actually nearer to 6’8”. Get in. And just a couple of weeks ago, we went to Sweden (to be among the other tall freaks of the world) for our first trip away as a couple. Aww.

So, for those of you reading who are long-limbed, male or female, here is my advice: don’t hide yourself away. You are a genetic marvel, with a guaranteed good view at any concert.

Don’t ever let someone make you feel small for being anything but. If anyone mocks you, then that’s their problem, and certainly isn’t something you should be concerning yourself with. One day the right person will come, and they will love every inch of you.

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Hattie Clarke
Writer and arts marketing professional working in London.

News released today by leading scientists at the University of Brobdingnag have proven that women who are above average height have more intense orgasms and make exceptional sexual partners.

Bullshit? Yes it certainly is. But now you’re here and I’ve got your attention.

I’d like to tell you about tall women and the mighty problems we face. As a card carrying 6ft tall member of the Tall Women Brigade I want to share my own experiences of an above average view on life.

It’s fair to say that probably every woman on the planet has received inappropriate comments about her appearance, and the battle to combat the barrage of idiocy online and in our workplaces is hard for everyone. When your height is above average in not only the women’s charts, but also the men’s, your chances of minimising sexist stupidity is nil.

I can’t remember the last time I met someone (a man) who didn’t comment on my height. I can’t remember the last party I went to where someone (a man) didn’t comment on my choice to wear heels. I wish I could say this is a recent discovery, but when you’re a tall woman you started as a tall girl.

At primary school I spent every lunchtime dropping one hip so I wouldn’t stand out amongst the other girls in the playground. I was taller than every boy in my class. I was constantly aware of how feminine I appeared, more conscious to be seen with the right colour pencil case and one of the first to paint my lashes and practice fluttering.

Being confident and tall is an incredible feeling, you are naturally seen because your physical presence fills the room and people are drawn to watch you. There’s a reason that my brother, a 6 ft 7 twenty-something, is now an actor. But for those of us tall women who are less sure of ourselves, or who are just having a bad day, not being able to blend into a room seriously sucks. On my blue days I find myself dressing in baggy clothes and layering myself into a tent-like cover-up, as if trying to hide some newly gained weight. But this doesn’t hide anything. In fact it just makes you more visible, you’re just a tent that’s taller than all the other tents.

I would never give up my height, it is integral to who I am. I come from a long line of tall people (see the Vikings), and I love it when I see women on the street or the tube who are as tall or taller than me. I want there to be a society for tall women where we can all moan about terrible trouser and sleeve lengths (my god, I have cold wrists 24/7) and about how shallow men can be, intimidated by any woman that doesn’t fit into the petite section. These are most likely the same men that single you out at a bar and want to go back to back to prove to his mates he must be taller than this giraffe-like woman. It takes a great deal of patience not to scream, “I’m not trying out for your basketball team, I came here to drink!”

Reaching a book on the highest shelf, spotting my husband/brother/other tall person is of use in a crowded station and always being offered the passenger seat are many of the great advantages of being a tall Woman. It is also an urban myth known throughout the tall woman hive mind and online community that as a tall woman you are less likely to be harassed on the street. There aren’t any statistics to tell us whether this is a fact, but from a straw poll of friends of all heights it seems that as the tallest I have gotten away with the least unwanted attention. It also seems likely that a harasser might see a tall woman as more intimidating, or be mistaken for a man. This is a mistake one could cultivate at any height - take it from experience, short hair and a tweed coat is all you need. Sadly, this does come with side effects, like being called ‘Sir’ by a shop assistant in the dairy aisle at Tesco.

Despite it all the Tall Woman Brigade is certainly here to stay, with the average height creeping up year on year. We are constantly recruiting members, from the tallest girl in her reception class to the wall Woman who always stays sitting down at parties. You are not alone in living the hazards of a tall life, and remember there are always the benefits (superior orgasms included). So don’t go it alone. Hear our heavy tread, see our long shadows and keep looking up.

Follow Hattie Clarke on Twitter: www.twitter.com/HattieLC

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Recently, a colleague of mine, a successful psychologist in her mid-30s, confided in me about an ongoing problem she faces in her dating life: She feels that she's simply too tall for most men, standing at almost six feet. The issue she struggles with is the same issue many other tall women deal with as they look for a good romantic partner.When we talk about tall women, there's what many people think of as 'sexy-tall,' the range of height where women are, say, 5'8" or 5'9". These women have the best of all possible worlds: They're tall to the point that it's easier to stay thin or carry weight well, but not so tall that they face the stigma of men not wanting want to date a tall woman. Tall women who experience romantic discrimination the most are approximately 5'10" and taller.

Read the full article on the eHarmony Blog website

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Recently, a pal of mine, a successful Public Relations officer in her mid-30s, confided in me about an ongoing problem she faces in her dating life: She feels that she's simply too tall for most men, standing at almost six feet.

Despite her drop dead gorgeous beauty, men are scared of her. After we had this chit chat, I promised her, while as I may not get her a tall man worth her beauty and success, I could get her lots of interesting tales to cope with her solitude up there.

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Studies have demonstrated an unconscious bias against short men and many tall women feel uncomfortable standing out from the crowd. In a world designed for people of average height, those that fall outside the norm can find life hard, writes Amanda Smith.

Read the full article on the ABC News Australia website

The Short Guy's Guide to Dating Tall Women

by Erica Rivera Jan 3rd, 2020

Dating as a short guy is rough. We get it. Online dating sites and apps haven't helped, as many allow users to outright eliminate you from their search based on height. But that doesn't mean your dating life has to come up short. Not only are there women out there who are totally open to dating guys of all sizes, but there are also ways you can present your best self (all 5 feet, 2 inches of you) that'll make your date overlook your, um, shortcomings. Commit these dating hacks to memory and your prospects will start looking up.

Stop whining.

We know you're at a disadvantage in the dating world because of your height, but moaning about it isn't going to help. The pity party stops now. You can't change your height, but you can change your attitude about it, and until you do, none of the subsequent dating hacks will work.

Don't talk yourself out of it.

You can't tell what women are attracted to just by looking at them. Even if the one you want has a foot on you and has expressed a preference for tall guys doesn't mean you're out of the game. You just might be the one who changes her mind about short guys forever. But you won't know until you try.

Don't pretend to be something you're not.

Lying is not cool, especially since height is a pretty hard thing to hide. You can fudge the numbers up to an inch online, but no further. You can wear shoes with thick soles. You can develop exquisite posture. What you can't (or at least, shouldn't) do is pretend to be something you're not. You're short and she knows it. No amount of smoke and mirrors will disguise that. Accept it and carry on.

Make the most out of what you have.

You can't make yourself taller, but you can bulk up. Muscle mass shows that you value your appearance, that you take care of your body, and makes you look more masculine. (Hey, we didn't make the gender stereotypes, but we acknowledge they exist.) For many women, even the tall ones, a show of strength will outweigh your short stature.

Dress for success.

Clothing plays a huge part in the impression people form of you. A well-dressed man of any size is more likely to get a second glance than a slob is. If you're inept when it comes to fashion, scour men's fashion magazines or hire a personal shopper to learn what cuts, colors, and fabrics highlight your assets. When your date sees you for the first time, your sharp sense of style will make her proud to be your arm candy.

Be confident.

Height may be a turn-on for some, but confidence is sexy no matter who you are. Don't cower. Be bold. Standing tall is a state of mind. If you believe you deserve that tall woman, she's more likely to believe you do, too.

Go for the laughs.

So you don't check off that "tall" box on her ideal man list. No matter. Check off some other boxes, like "funny." People remember how they felt around a date more than how their date looked, so leave that tall lady breathless with belly laughs and your height will seem like an insignificant afterthought.

Bust a move.

No, a tall woman can't cradle her head in that nook between your chin and your shoulder (at least not when you're upright) but you can still lead like a big man on the dance floor. Learn some steps and make her heart race one song at a time. It's not about what you have, but how you use it!  

Compensate with cash.

No woman has ever complained that a man spent too much money on their date. If it's within your means, make the date an affair to remember by pulling out all the stops. Hey, sometimes you have to invest in a relationship to reap the dividends. If being short is limiting your prospects, especially with tall women, spoil the dates you do have and make yourself the most valuable man she's ever met.

Remember your idols.

If you're vertically challenged, it helps to remember you're not alone -- and that your height doesn't determine your potential. Here's a short list of charismatic celebrities under six feet: Prince (5'2"), Kevin Hart (5'4"), Bruno Mars (5'5"), Aziz Ansari (5'6"), Tom Cruise (5'7"),  Mark Wahlberg (5'8"), Robert Downey Jr. (5'9"), George Clooney (5'10"), and Brad Pitt (5'11"). We bet none of them would have any trouble scoring a date, even with a tall woman. (Except Prince. He's dead.)

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This is an article from 2011 but still a good read

On the basketball court, being 6-foot-4 is incredible. In the world of dating, however, it's more complicated

In high school my teammates and I teased our 5-foot-11 basketball coach about the shorter, handsome, rival coach who openly flirted with her during halftime. "Hey, we're all the same height lying down," she would reply, a line that sent us shrieking. Thus, my first lessons in love: A) When you're a tall girl, people are going to have an opinion about the appropriate height of your man; and B) Get over it.

Six-foot-4. One hundred twenty-seven pounds. Eighth grade. It was a miracle of physics that I could walk, let alone run up and down a court bouncing a ball. Luckily, my parents launched a highly successful brainwashing campaign to convince me that being a foot taller than the average American woman was a good thing. My mother enrolled me in ballet. Like a Great Dane among perfect mini-poodles, I learned balance and coordination. My father gently tapped my scapula any time he noticed me stoop. Gabrielle Reece's "Big Girl in the Middle" was required reading.

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Elisany suffers from gigantism from a tumour on her pituitary gland. Couple have been together three years and have lived together for a year. Elisany still draws stares but Francinaldo says he is proud to show her off. The pair want a long engagement but are already planning the wedding. Although only 18, she hopes to conceive soon due to fears over her fertility

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Tinder joked that it would verify daters’ height. Should height even matter in finding a partner?

I was thousands of miles from home, in a country where I knew only a handful of local phrases, but the concern in his Tinder message was universal.

"Disclaimer," my match wrote. "I'm 1,80 m should you be considering shoe choice."

"I have no idea what that is in feet!" I responded. "But I'm wearing flats anyway."

It turns out that 1.8 meters translates to 5 feet and 11 inches. Why was a man who's nearly 6 feet tall worried that his date might tower over him? At 5-foot-4, I'm around average height for an American woman; the average American man is 5-foot-9. (He said I "photograph tall.") In Portugal, where I was Tinder-swiping on vacation, the average man is slightly shorter (5-foot-7 to the average woman's 5-foot-3). Even if I were taller and choosing to wear heels, would that ruin our evening? Would he feel emasculated, and would I feel it was my responsibility to avoid such a plight?

I should hope not. I had plenty of concerns about meeting a stranger from the Internet - mostly tied to my personal safety. Being taller than my date (naturally or due to footwear) wasn't one of them. Besides, Lisbon's uneven cobblestone streets were hard enough to navigate in flats! I could not fathom heels.

My match's "disclaimer" made me laugh. Height is a thingin online dating - a thing many people care about and some lie about. Some women put their height requirements for a guy in their profile. And sometimes, bizarrely, a person's height is the only thing in their bio, as if that's all you need to know about them. As other outdated gender norms in heterosexual relationships are toppling, why do so many daters still want the man to be taller than the woman?

I've dated men who are shorter than me, those who are my height and those who are taller - and a man's stature has never been the reason a match didn't work. I do care, however, when someone lies because they think it might make a better first impression. It always has the opposite effect.

When Tinder announced on Friday that the popular dating app was developing a "height verification tool," my first reaction was: Hallelujah! Finally people would stop lying about their height.

"Say goodbye to height fishing," the news release said, coining a term for the height deception that's common on dating apps.

By Monday, it became clear Tinder's announcement was just an April Fools' joke. Still, there's a grain of truth in it. Do daters really deserve a medal for telling the truth? Is the bar really this low? In short: Yes.

Yes, in most heterosexual couples, the man is taller than the woman - but that's partly because, on average, men are taller than women. And there are certainly exceptions. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, for starters. Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas. Pharrell and Helen Lasichanh. You probably know a couple in your own life to add to this list.

Height is associated with masculinity, attractiveness, higher status - and with one's ability to provide for and protect their family. Daters might not be consciously thinking about this as they're swiping left and right. An informal 2014 survey of students at the University of North Texas asked single, heterosexual students to explain why they preferred dating someone above or below a certain height. It found that they "were not always able to articulate a clear reason they possess their given height preference, but they somehow understood what was expected of them from the larger society."

But height can affect whom they choose to date. A 2005 study, which looked at a major online dating site's 23,000 users in Boston and San Diego during a 3½-month period, found that men who were 6-foot-3 to 6-foot-4 received 60 percent more first-contact emails than those who were 5-foot-7 to 5-foot-8. Meanwhile, tall women received fewer initial emails than women who were shorter or of average height. (Of course, it's unclear whether this pattern is unique to the users of this website or these two cities.)

When I think about daters' preference for the man to be taller, I'm reminded of all the other ways in which relationships are changing that we still haven't quite adjusted to. We expect a man not just to be taller than his partner, but to make more money than her, too - even though, in 40 percent of households with children, women are the sole or primary breadwinners. We have dating apps that require women to make the first move (Bumble, one of Tinder's top competitors), but we still expect the man to Pop the Big Question and drive a heterosexual relationship forward. Intermarriage is rising steadily - in 2015, 17 percent of U.S. newlyweds had a spouse of a difference race or ethnicity - but racial discrimination is still disturbingly common on dating apps.

Dating apps encourage singles to make quick judgments based on scant information in a profile - information that can be wrong or out-of-date. The real verification happens in person, where people can be physically small with large personalities or tall and exceedingly dull.

As my Tinder date and I walked through the Lisbon streets, we talked about the pros and cons of being single while most of your friends are in relationships and the many ways we've seen good things end. By the time we said goodbye, I was surprised by how much fun we'd had. He wanted to see me again, but I wasn't sure. There was another distance I was thinking about - one not measured in feet but thousands of miles.

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When I was 12 my mom took me shopping for pantyhose at Younkers department store in my Iowa hometown. I had a piano recital coming up, and a recent growth spurt meant the tights in the children's section no longer fit. On the back of the hosiery packaging there was a matrix chart: height on one side and weight on the other. You were supposed to find the box where your height and weight intersected, and the color code would tell you which size to purchase. As I dragged my finger along the package to find my size, I felt a wave of panic. At 6'2", I was off the matrix. A total freak.

It was an objective confirmation of how I already felt. I was the tallestperson in my junior high school - bigger than all the other girls, all the pre-growth-spurt boys, even all the teachers. And there was nothing I wouldn't have given to be just an inch or two shorter. I try to remember that feeling now, when women I don't know approach me and say things like "What I wouldn't give to be your height." I've spent my entire life hovering almost a foot taller than most women. And while it's often been a source of insecurity, the older I get, the more comfortable I am with myself. I'm far less comfortable with the feelings my body seems to bring out in other women.

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Ladies, it’s time we had a chit-chat about a certain double standard you’ve been allowed to brashly flaunt for far too long.

And sorry^{(not sorry)} to call you out like this, but you had to know it was coming. You think we haven’t noticed all that shameless discrimination against guys lacking in a certain, shall we say, vertical asset?

Face it: we’ve got a female "height supremacist" problem, and there are a lot of you taking part. Thank Tinder and Reddit for the outing.

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Joerg says: I don't approve of the content of this article. I believe everybody has a right to have preferences so I wouldn't condemn a woman just because she wants to be in a relationship with a taller man. Is she shallow? Maybe. But I'm not in a position to criticise her for it.

Sabrina Rojas Weiss - Yahoo Lifestyle, 30 January 2018

Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas have been together for almost a year and a half and the couple have been engaged for about three months, which seems like enough time for Turner to get used to feeling like she’s in a “fishbowl,” as she once told Glamour. It is not enough time for some onlookers to get over a simple fact about this couple: At a reported 5’9,” the Game of Thrones star is taller than her 5’7″ DNCE fiancé.

The paparazzi caught the two walking out in unseasonably warm weather in New York City over the weekend, with Turner wearing a pair of boots with tall chunky heels as Jonas strolled along in his Converse. Gossip site Just Jared posted a photo of them to Instagram, and immediately the comments section became host to a load of criticisms over their height difference.

“She is sooooo much taller than him,” noticed @aurmichkell.

“And why does she wear such high heels?” wondered @csre27. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being taller than your partner, but it just seems uncomfortable to accentuate it like that.”

“So … Joe is the little spoon,” wrote @amandachristy12. And @geronimogl was meaner, joking, “Caption should say, Sophie’s fiancee and her little bitch!”

When they first started dating, a couple of tabloids made a big deal about their height difference, but they’re hardly the first celebs to demonstrate that sometimes taller women like men who are ever-so-slightly shorter than them. See also: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban (or Tom Cruise), Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden, Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik. Jonas has dated other statuesque women, such as Taylor Swift and Hadid. Why do people get so fixated on this kind of pairing? Does it have any bearing on the internal workings of their relationship?

A lot of that depends on the couple’s past, New York-based relationship therapist Jean Fitzpatrick tells Yahoo Lifestyle.

“Because we think of man-as-taller as ‘normal,’ sometimes this height difference sparks anxiety, usually at first,” Fitzpatrick says. “A very tall woman may have felt like a giant growing up and dating, and may sometimes wish for a guy who feels like her match in height. A shorter man may have been the smallest guy on the team and so dating a taller woman may be an uncomfortable reminder of shame he hasn’t worked through yet. The biggest height difference any of us experiences in life is the one we have with our parents growing up. When we were small and they were tall, we felt taken care of and loved, or deprived and judged, or both.”

But none of that baggage is insurmountable, Fitzpatrick notes, particularly if both parties are willing to talk about it.

There’s one way in which Turner and Jonas are already getting past one shorter-man stereotype: “Tallness in men is associated with career success, which isn’t an issue for couples who are already successful,” Fitzpatrick says. “And with today’s partnership marriages, I find couples less interested in height and more in sharing career, household, and parenting equitably.”

Fitzpatrick says there are much more important questions they’ll have to face together than physical differences.

“Once a couple have been together awhile, it’s the quality of the relationship that matters: Do they listen to and understand each other? Do they express care for each other in everyday ways? Do they trust each other?” she says.

Regardless of height, “Jophie” look pretty happy together, as they begin to plan their wedding, which will feature Maisie Williams as a bridesmaid and some kind of speech (or more) from Nick Jonas. Then we’re betting Turner’s choice of footwear will have everything to do with her dancing plans, not her groom’s height.

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At 5ft 10ins, Anna Lisinski is taller than most British women - and men. It shouldn't really matter in life, except it does when it comes to dating, she admits. But why? And what's our obsession with having to date a taller guy?

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A call to arms against the last acceptable dating prejudice.

The first question most strangers ask me is "How tall are you?" If I'm feeling charitable, I answer honestly: "6-foot-2." They often follow-up with, "Do you ever date shorter men?" Consider this my full answer.

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By Tracey Spicer

The scene: a suburban hairdressing salon on a Saturday morning. A bride-to-be is in for experimentation with various hairstyles for the "big day".

"Would you prefer an 'updo'?" the hairdresser asks.

Are you kidding?" the bride says. "I'm almost six foot tall [183 centimetres]. Don't need any more height. It'd be embarrassing for my fiancé!"

"Have you got some nice flats to wear?" another client asks.

"Wouldn't want to be towering over the poor guy in your high heels."

"Yep, I've got ballet shoes. Otherwise I'd feel like that terrifying chick Brienne out of Game of Thones."

Perhaps I've been transported to medieval times. I check. Nope, it's 2017. Why is it still taboo for tall women to date short men? Or for women to appear the same height as their beaux?

Poor Princess Di must have been kneeling in those commemorative photos with Prince Charles. As a newsreader, I copied her head-tilt and small smile for a series of shots with (petite) male co-anchors in the '80s and '90s. I looked like some sort of simpering wife.

I know, women are – on average – shorter than men. But study after study shows men and women exaggerate this disparity by seeking out taller-shorter pairings for relationships.

Analysis of Yahoo personal ads by US academics George Yancey and Michael Emerson found that while 13.5 per cent of men only wanted to date women shorter than them, some 49 per cent of women only wanted to date men who were taller.

In her 2008 book Factory Girls, Leslie T. Chang notes that height in China was a proxy for class – signifying fortune and a good diet in a country which had experienced famine in living memory.

An Indian friend of mine says he's attracted to taller women, but fears an assumption by others that she's the one "wearing the trousers".

A trawl of wedding websites reveals how far photographers stoop to hide a woman's height. Th ese include the groom standing at the top of a hill and the bride stepping into a hole. One site suggests, "Ask him if it will make him uncomfortable to look up to you."

Seriously, sister, if his answer to this is "yes" then run away screaming!

Drilling down, the reasons for this preference are complex. Researchers point to evolutionary psychology, gender stereotyping and social exchange theory.

The first suggests that taller men are seen as stronger, more able to intimidate rivals and to secure resources. But surely we're beyond the stage of clobbering a challenger over the head with a club. And modern resources are best secured via technology, not brute strength.

The second is societal expectations, in which the "less powerful" man is ridiculed; people still make jokes about short men. I reckon this is at the root of the issue. And so is the third, which centres on status and power. "In a patriarchal society where they operate at a disadvantage, females may have more invested in locating a higher-status partner than men," Yancey and Emerson write. "Height may play a significant role in establishing the perception of higher status among males and thus is more important to women than to men."

This is reinforced by women feeling more "feminine" with a taller man. "Many women hold this stereotype to a point where it excludes a lot of people they might be interested in otherwise," sociologist Dr Pepper Schwartz has said.

We need to break down this everyday sexism by analysing our unconscious bias. Otherwise, our children will continue to absorb images, both in the mass media and at family weddings, of a "dominant" man hovering over a "submissive" woman.

Put simply, our mundane preferences for height in romantic relationships are contrary to our arguments for equality.

Walking out of the salon that day, I placed my hand on the shoulder of the bride-to-be. "You stand proud on your wedding day," I said. "Don't be shamed into slumping."

She looked confused. "I don't want to upset him," she said. "But I guess, stuff it! He's gonna have to live with all six foot of me for the rest of our lives. Thanks." Sometimes, a few small words can make a big difference.

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